Sad excuse for television

This is the third Rolling Stone cover in the last few years that has made me cringe...not only cringe, but become really angry. I am not one to get angry often, it takes a lot to push me over the edge, but this is ridiculous. The first was when Jessica Alba was on the cover, followed by a young Zac Efron with his hand awkwardly inside of his wet shirt, revealing his barely legal six pack. These covers make me angry because Rolling Stone is a music magazine, and should thus have musicians on the cover, and it doesn't usually follow trends, but this cover and story are an all time low for the mag. As much as LC and her gang of over privileged, undereducated, self-indulgent minions contribute to society and give us a realistic idea of how difficult life must be for a twenty-something in Hollywood these days, they have nothing to do with music (except for Audrina's parlay into the musical industry).

Although I was once at the mall coincidentally when Stephen Colletti and Kristin Cavallari were visiting to sign autographs, and girls were crying in a manner similar to when the Beatles made their first appearance in the US, it in no way puts these "reality" tv stars on any level similar to a musician. That the Hills is now onto its 2nd or 3rd season really speaks to the intelligence and creativity of Gen Y. It is sometimes embarrassing to be a part of this voyeristic generation. The Hills is the new Saved by the Bell or Boy Meets World, where we are invited to watch a group of good-looking teens grow up on screen, and watch as they pass through different stages of their lives. Only, we didn't get to see "The Hills College Years" and the characters don't have a Mr. Feeney or Belding who somehow travels with them through the hard times in life to give them gems of wisdom--which might have been a good idea for them. Times are so hard when LC assumes that she and Stephen Colletti might start dating again, and sadly listens to him tell her that he is glad that they can accept that they are just friends.

Granted I know way too much to say that I am not mildly entertained by this sad excuse for a television show, but there isn't much else on TV these days. This show is a joke and the characters will do nearly anything for a buck. Hopefully by the time I have children, reality TV will be pushed by the wayside and they can appreciate a new version of Bayside.

Slow and steady wins the race?

I just started running after a long sabbatical. I guess that sounds like I ran regularly at one point. I have never really run as a hobby, but played sports. It just sounds better to say "I started running again" than to say "for the first time since high school I am attempting to partake in physical activity on a regular basis." It's not easy. I live on a hill, so when I start my run, I think "oh man, I am in way better shape than I thought I'd be." But the minute the ground flattens out, it turns from a decently paced run into a trudge. And for some reason, I think everyone passing by is judging me. So I stay on side streets unless it is necessary to run on a busy road...at which point, I speed up significantly, eagerly awaiting the next side street that I can turn at so I can continue breathing like a normal person. I don't know why I would assume anyone would care that I am running along at a pace that could probably be passed by speed walkers. I reason with myself and think "they are probably assuming I'm on the end of my run, so this pace is expected." And then I look down at my iRUN and realize that I have only been running for about five minutes and breathing has become a chore. I push on through the 5k at the pace of a senior citizen and get to my house and collapse. Tomorrow it'll be a little easier...hopefully.

Jack.

My family got a new golden retriever puppy named Jack. He is adorable, but mostly right before he goes to bed and right after he wakes up. In between, he bites everything he can get his teeth on and pees and poops everywhere. Naturally, this is to be expected of a puppy, but I have cuts all over my hands and arms and all I want to do is hold him, not yell at him for biting me. I am a bad animal trainer because he is too cute to scold so I talk to him like he is a person and will understand me. He doesn't, and usually thinks I'm wanting him to continue "playing with me." His face goes from an angelic adorable face worthy of being a puppy model to a scene from animal planet of a lion eating it's pray, and he snaps his teeth onto my hands, or legs, or arms, or face. Anything. For the time being, I'll say he's teething to justify his satanic transformation, but hopefully this doesn't keep up for too long. I don't think my hands and skin can handle the torment.

Hors d'ouvres passing

I work as a caterer at the Nike Tiger Woods Center. Every time we have a fancy event that requires a plated dinner, there are usually hors d'ouvres involved. For some reason, when we receive our assignments for these events, I am always a passer. Although there is something formal and eloquent about having food passed at events--and people are usually hungry--I think it is silly. Not only does it put an unnecessary amount of pressure on my wrist, it causes the party attendees to have to make funny jokes with me to make themselves less embarrassed for taking their sixth beef satay. At every formal/reception event I've ever been to I prefer my favorite food to be stationed at one place and unmonitored, so I don't have to feel embarrassed for eating a meal's worth of appetizers.

Spike Jonze Ikea

This ad is hilarious. The first time I watched it, I was expecting some sort of brave little toaster sort of scene to happen. And I was then pleasantly surprised by the crazy old guy in the rain. Love this.

juNO!

I watched Juno the entire way through for the first time the other night. My first attempt at viewing this supposed cinematic snack was when it was in the theaters over winter break. I went with my friend and was really stoked to see it because Michael Cera, aka George Michael from Arrested Development was in it and because it received rave reviews from every publication I read about it. My friend and I walked out after 25 minutes. It was my first time ever walking out of a movie in the movie theater. So my second time watching it I cringed past the "clever" honest to blogs napolean dynamite-esque "Geez, Banana! Shut your freakin' gob!" waiting for it to get better. It didn't really. There were funny parts, but all in all it seemed like it was trying too hard.

Chocolate Milk

Yesterday my dad told me that there was chocolate milk in the fridge. Naturally, I was stoked because I love the stuff. Well I got to the fridge with a glass and was ready to pour, when my little sister told me that my dad had created the "chocolate milk" by pouring Hershey's chocolate syrup into the milk carton and shaking it. Huge letdown. Anyone who is a connoisseur of chocolate milk knows that this is not the same thing. My dad told my sister and I that we were chocolate milk snobs and proceeded to sing a song about it on his guitar, cleverly inserting lyrics into popular Dylan songs to make fun of us. I don't care, I've had my fair share of chocolate milk, and yes, I am aware that there aren't chocolate cows somewhere and that all chocolate milk is created with some sort of mixing process, but the kind that comes mixed is much better than any you can mix at home. And Wilcox chocolate milk is the best.

This is a funny list a friend of mine had on her facebook wall entitled "9 Things I hate"

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the **** is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their ass!

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid £6 to come to the cinema and stare at the fucking floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

8. When people say "life is short". What the fuck? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever fucking does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks: "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumass?

In the words of Larry David...pretty good.

T9 word is racist

One time last year I was writing my friend a text message saying something along the lines of "will you make me a late plate" (I lived in a sorority and if you weren't going to be there for dinner, you could have a late plate prepared for you). So, I was writing this text message and when I typed plate into my phone, the word slave came up as the first option. This means that whoever programs T9 word thinks that slave is more prominently used in the English language than plate. I don't really know what to think about this. Kinda shocked.